On writing for one’s self…

To “write solely for one’s self” is perhaps always already to presuppose the existence of that self and I am not so sure that such existential assertions or “certainties” are necessarily complete or consistent in any way which can ever definitively prove their axiomatic coherence or necessity. It may be that the implicit teleology and narrative vector of written language in reference or respect of that self is always reflexively defined; it comes into existence pari passu the historical development and socially constructed concepts of that self and a certain experience of time. (That awareness or experience of time conditioned as it is by the existential pivot of “now”, again reflexive of that subjective individuation of “self” – always implying or alluding to some aspirational Archimedes point “beyond” the system but forever and always enigmatically, recursively encapsulated by it).

Which self, anyway ? That internalised subjectivity, aggregated from words and concepts absorbed, adopted, borrowed, recomposed and then mistakenly identified as necessary, innate or owned ? Or perhaps that notionally external self that culture and the logic of communication requires, implies; and through which the depth-matrix of responsibility, purpose and shared economies of value and meaning become concrete or at the very least – intelligible. Neither end of the spectrum of self (individuation or collectivity) forms any secure resting place or anchor and, indeed, this expanding interior emptiness between these two nebulous uncertainties represents a free-floating self-and/or-world which is essentially Void-like. This is so unavoidably Apophatic and empty by virtue of the unending self-reference of just such a logically incomplete system of semantic recursion that any question concerning whether or not one writing solely for one’s self actually constitutes writing at all becomes also an effectively broken self-reflection that may invoke just such an elaborate emptiness as this: interdependence without dependents; only the words exist, sans writer.

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