Trauma

I have seen what trauma does. It can take good people and bend them backwards against their will, leading into all manner of despair and hardship. I have seen the ways that people self-define through the things they know and the suffering that has shaped them. I have witnessed as their lonely lives lead them again and again (and again once more) back to the source of their pain and in so doing there closes the loop and traps them.

It hardly helps to understand another when we have all been led to similar sorrows and fail and fall in similar ways. I have seen this chain of pain and suffering as isolation and deep regret because I have lived it as my self. We should perhaps be unsurprised that our lives and minds conspire in such wicked ways against us; all human life has perhaps ever and always been just such a game of haunted pride and catastrophic self-deception.

My only difference, although likely not unique, to this general flow and falling foolish repetition is that I tend to build my own suffering upon those of others and only ever find there this emptiness that as vacuum or uncaring gravity always draws me back again. We are destined to this cycling sorrow just as are moths drawn to candle flames that, masquerading as the guiding moon, there seduce them to an unknowing and lonely end.